Saturday, October 3, 2009
my chains fell off, my heart was free!
God did amazing things for us at Exchange this year. He went beyond our highest expectations, as He does.
Josiah Connor & Nathan Robinson from City Life Church in Melbourne came to speak to us. I think everyone's jaw dropped when we found out Josiah was only 20yrs old... and he's engaged. There's a culture of marrying young amongst the churches here in Australia, which I already don't fit in. Haha...
The majority of us were greatly impacted by this one night at resort, when Nathan spoke to us about silence. "Shut up and slow down". He questioned why we have become so anti-silence. We never slow down or shut up long enough to hear the whispers of the Holy Spirit. When we wake up, when we're in our cars, even when we pray... we turn on the radio, tv, even play praise & worship music in the background..He suggested that when God said "be still and know that I am God", He meant "be still" not "do still". Maybe, he proposed, we need to start positioning ourselves in the quiet places to rest in God's presence, just listening to Him and waiting on Him to speak. He shared 1 Kings 19:11-12:
"Then he was told, "Go, stand on the mountain at attention before God. God will pass by."A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper."
Of course we wouldn't hear God in the fire, in the wind and earthquake, Nathan asserted. God would have to fight for our attention through the noise and chaos.
Nathan promptly led us into a time of practicing what we had just heard. Some of us lay on the floor, some sat in the corners, some bowed their heads and some just lay back in their chairs. The lights were dimmed and the auditorium was silent. At first people were uncomfortable. You could hear the awkward coughs and shifts. After about 5 minutes or so, the atmosphere began to relax itself. For myself and many others, the next 30mins- 1hr (i'm not exactly sure how long it went) was the most intimate encounter we had with God in awhile. In stark silence, forgetting everything else for that time in space... focusing only on our own breathing and keenly aware of being in the very presence of God.... just resting, just soaking, just waiting.
Wow. Since resort, I have tried to set time aside for this, besides the usual time of reading & praying. Just sitting and listening is great. We move at an unbelievable pace. Each day, the amount of thoughts & tasks that surround us are both incredible and ridiculous. We often ask God to speak to us yet we never slow down and shut up long enough to let Him. I believe He speaks to us in many forms, through nature, through animals (oh yes, He regularly speaks to me through Terry) but it's also necessary to create a sacred space and time for this.
God also did something very personal for me at resort. He used Jess to encourage me, to stop beating myself up over falling into pits over and over again, because He is bigger than that... and no matter how many times I fall into a pit, it will be okay because He will pick me up again.
He also strengthened the bonds of our friendship on a spiritual level. There was this one moment when Jess, Wan Jun and myself all felt this strong urge to pray for Cheryl. That was incredible as it was overflowing with God's great love for Cheryl, that He would want her to know He has sent friends to support and love her and help her on this walk with Him, not even just 1 but 4 including Pet ;p
Every year, Resort never fails to bring something fresh and life-changing. It is my hope and strong desire that the changes don't stop there, that as we continue to behold Him, we will truly be transformed to transform the world around us.
The city is waiting...
Josiah Connor & Nathan Robinson from City Life Church in Melbourne came to speak to us. I think everyone's jaw dropped when we found out Josiah was only 20yrs old... and he's engaged. There's a culture of marrying young amongst the churches here in Australia, which I already don't fit in. Haha...
The majority of us were greatly impacted by this one night at resort, when Nathan spoke to us about silence. "Shut up and slow down". He questioned why we have become so anti-silence. We never slow down or shut up long enough to hear the whispers of the Holy Spirit. When we wake up, when we're in our cars, even when we pray... we turn on the radio, tv, even play praise & worship music in the background..He suggested that when God said "be still and know that I am God", He meant "be still" not "do still". Maybe, he proposed, we need to start positioning ourselves in the quiet places to rest in God's presence, just listening to Him and waiting on Him to speak. He shared 1 Kings 19:11-12:
"Then he was told, "Go, stand on the mountain at attention before God. God will pass by."A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper."
Of course we wouldn't hear God in the fire, in the wind and earthquake, Nathan asserted. God would have to fight for our attention through the noise and chaos.
Nathan promptly led us into a time of practicing what we had just heard. Some of us lay on the floor, some sat in the corners, some bowed their heads and some just lay back in their chairs. The lights were dimmed and the auditorium was silent. At first people were uncomfortable. You could hear the awkward coughs and shifts. After about 5 minutes or so, the atmosphere began to relax itself. For myself and many others, the next 30mins- 1hr (i'm not exactly sure how long it went) was the most intimate encounter we had with God in awhile. In stark silence, forgetting everything else for that time in space... focusing only on our own breathing and keenly aware of being in the very presence of God.... just resting, just soaking, just waiting.
Wow. Since resort, I have tried to set time aside for this, besides the usual time of reading & praying. Just sitting and listening is great. We move at an unbelievable pace. Each day, the amount of thoughts & tasks that surround us are both incredible and ridiculous. We often ask God to speak to us yet we never slow down and shut up long enough to let Him. I believe He speaks to us in many forms, through nature, through animals (oh yes, He regularly speaks to me through Terry) but it's also necessary to create a sacred space and time for this.
God also did something very personal for me at resort. He used Jess to encourage me, to stop beating myself up over falling into pits over and over again, because He is bigger than that... and no matter how many times I fall into a pit, it will be okay because He will pick me up again.
He also strengthened the bonds of our friendship on a spiritual level. There was this one moment when Jess, Wan Jun and myself all felt this strong urge to pray for Cheryl. That was incredible as it was overflowing with God's great love for Cheryl, that He would want her to know He has sent friends to support and love her and help her on this walk with Him, not even just 1 but 4 including Pet ;p
Every year, Resort never fails to bring something fresh and life-changing. It is my hope and strong desire that the changes don't stop there, that as we continue to behold Him, we will truly be transformed to transform the world around us.
The city is waiting...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
what kind of life?
It gawked at me. I sat upright in my seat and read it again.
I gulped. That was the kind of life I led when I chose the world and turned my back on Him. It was the kind of life I continued to lead after coming back to Him, every once in a while when I failed to guard my heart and allowed the world to pull me back in.
The honesty in that passage caught me by surprise. I've personally experienced many of those things described.
Amongst other things, I've made many bad relationship decisions, causing myself and others a lot of heartache and disillusionment. My entire life, it seems, I'd be jumping right into the next relationship before I can finish unloading the emotional junk from the previous one. I've even began thinking it must be one of the enemy's best tried-and-tested strategies with me! I've been in and out of relationships so much that I've lost count, and the longest time I've managed to stay (truly) single would be about a few months. This is rather startling considering I started dating at 12, and I'm turning 25 in a month's time.
Daryl suggested it was due to my deep desire for intimacy and how I've always chosen to fulfill it the wrong ways, with the wrong people. Add to that the seemingly constant stream of guys around me and you get a status: always attached Eileen. At the end of the day, I'm left with a string of broken relationships and painful memories. I always wonder, what if I had just said no to that relationship? What if I had laid aside that desire and pursued wholeness instead?
This Christian walk has been an uphill struggle. Or should I say battle. The last 10 years of my life, I have been progressing in fits and starts. Always seeming to get somewhere, and making a few more steps toward my destiny, but always, I would get pulled down to the bottom abruptly. There, I have had to scramble back up, wipe the tears and shake off the dust, and start climbing again.
Only recently, one such bad decision brought me to a halt. At that time, I was experiencing a great time with God, enjoying every bit of the journey He was taking me on. I was devouring His Word, building my spiritman by praying in tongues at least once a day, and constantly singing love songs to Him. I had begun going to music practices, waiting to be rostered in to sing for revo officially. The girls and I wanted to be a part of the mission trip that revo was planning and we considered how we could do more for our community. I enjoyed my friendships immensely and I was zealous about life. Blessings were pouring in from every corner. Doesn't this sound typical already...
The story then comes to that fateful twist, that inevitable turning point..
Before I knew it, I was caught in a downward spiral and I was going down faster than I could say 'help'. And when the whirlwind romance ended, I was left with this:
What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds!
That's exactly how it felt. Weeds.
And as I trace back, I can see how my decisions were conscious ones. Consciously silencing His voice in my head, consciously proceeding with callous disregard for the consequences. I chose not to regard God and what He was telling me. I chose to satisfy my own selfish desires! And in the end, I had nothing to show for it but weeds.
Sometimes, I feel like saying to myself...
Eileen, oh Eileen, when will you ever learn...
I'm so stubborn!
And what is His response?
Anger? No.
Relentless love, compassion, love.
The nights that I just stuffed my head under my pillow and cried, He soothed me and said, it's ok, I'm here to carry you.
He stood me up on my feet again, zero condemnation, 100% love, and said, ok, let's start again.
It's as if all these years of my life, He would be fitting together the pieces of my life and I would come in and throw it on the floor, scattering all the pieces.
Instead of reacting in anger, He would patiently fit them all back again.
I keep wanting to go back to what I've done, reminding myself and Him, as if He didn't know how bad it was. It amazes me every time, how He's always focused only on moving ahead and leaving the past behind. We can't change the past, but we can choose the future.
The 2 passages quoted above continue to say the following respectively:
But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.
But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
Verses from Galatians 5:19-22, 6:7-8, The Message
It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community.
I gulped. That was the kind of life I led when I chose the world and turned my back on Him. It was the kind of life I continued to lead after coming back to Him, every once in a while when I failed to guard my heart and allowed the world to pull me back in.
The honesty in that passage caught me by surprise. I've personally experienced many of those things described.
Amongst other things, I've made many bad relationship decisions, causing myself and others a lot of heartache and disillusionment. My entire life, it seems, I'd be jumping right into the next relationship before I can finish unloading the emotional junk from the previous one. I've even began thinking it must be one of the enemy's best tried-and-tested strategies with me! I've been in and out of relationships so much that I've lost count, and the longest time I've managed to stay (truly) single would be about a few months. This is rather startling considering I started dating at 12, and I'm turning 25 in a month's time.
Daryl suggested it was due to my deep desire for intimacy and how I've always chosen to fulfill it the wrong ways, with the wrong people. Add to that the seemingly constant stream of guys around me and you get a status: always attached Eileen. At the end of the day, I'm left with a string of broken relationships and painful memories. I always wonder, what if I had just said no to that relationship? What if I had laid aside that desire and pursued wholeness instead?
This Christian walk has been an uphill struggle. Or should I say battle. The last 10 years of my life, I have been progressing in fits and starts. Always seeming to get somewhere, and making a few more steps toward my destiny, but always, I would get pulled down to the bottom abruptly. There, I have had to scramble back up, wipe the tears and shake off the dust, and start climbing again.
Only recently, one such bad decision brought me to a halt. At that time, I was experiencing a great time with God, enjoying every bit of the journey He was taking me on. I was devouring His Word, building my spiritman by praying in tongues at least once a day, and constantly singing love songs to Him. I had begun going to music practices, waiting to be rostered in to sing for revo officially. The girls and I wanted to be a part of the mission trip that revo was planning and we considered how we could do more for our community. I enjoyed my friendships immensely and I was zealous about life. Blessings were pouring in from every corner. Doesn't this sound typical already...
The story then comes to that fateful twist, that inevitable turning point..
Before I knew it, I was caught in a downward spiral and I was going down faster than I could say 'help'. And when the whirlwind romance ended, I was left with this:
What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds!
That's exactly how it felt. Weeds.
And as I trace back, I can see how my decisions were conscious ones. Consciously silencing His voice in my head, consciously proceeding with callous disregard for the consequences. I chose not to regard God and what He was telling me. I chose to satisfy my own selfish desires! And in the end, I had nothing to show for it but weeds.
Sometimes, I feel like saying to myself...
Eileen, oh Eileen, when will you ever learn...
I'm so stubborn!
And what is His response?
Anger? No.
Relentless love, compassion, love.
The nights that I just stuffed my head under my pillow and cried, He soothed me and said, it's ok, I'm here to carry you.
He stood me up on my feet again, zero condemnation, 100% love, and said, ok, let's start again.
It's as if all these years of my life, He would be fitting together the pieces of my life and I would come in and throw it on the floor, scattering all the pieces.
Instead of reacting in anger, He would patiently fit them all back again.
I keep wanting to go back to what I've done, reminding myself and Him, as if He didn't know how bad it was. It amazes me every time, how He's always focused only on moving ahead and leaving the past behind. We can't change the past, but we can choose the future.
The 2 passages quoted above continue to say the following respectively:
But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.
But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
Verses from Galatians 5:19-22, 6:7-8, The Message
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Extravagance!
God blesses me extravagantly.
At work, I received $40 worth of gift cards for scoring 100% in a mystery shopper test. That was totally random. The mystery shopper could have caught me on a day I wasn't up to form but I did great so thank God! I used the cards for fuel. It felt really good to pay only $2 for a full tank!
At my current place, I've been "upgraded" to one of the inside rooms.
The building I'm staying in is registered as an association and the kitchen where my old room was next to is considered a commercial kitchen. Supposedly, my room was listed as the kitchen storeroom. People from the council came by to inspect the kitchen, including my room, so Aunty Hong made me get up early to pack my stuff and replace them with kitchen equipment, creating the pretense of a storeroom. I was praying they would pass the test as I didn't want to have to do that all over again. And they did. Aunty Hong then said the lady told her to make sure no one stays in the storeroom, so maybe I should move into one of the inside rooms.
It's totally awesome. I've got a reverse cycle a/c & ensuite bathroom. Best of all, it's nice and cosy, not cold. Apparently, I can only stay in this room for one and a half weeks though as some other people are coming and they'll need the place. I'll then have to move back into my old room if I can't find a place by then. Well, whatever, my God will provide. I'm happy to be staying here for however long I can. It's a blessing to me!
Jess and Cheryl's mums have been very hospitable toward me. We slept over at Jess' last night. When I woke up around 11, I discovered that Jess & Cheryl had both left already. Great friends for ditching me.. haha.. So I went downstairs and Jess' mum insisted I stay for brunch. I did and got to enjoy a yummy bowl of prawn mee as while as chatting with them. Yummy, home-cooked meals like that really blesses me nowadays as my current place is fully vegan. Although, I must add, God has also blessed me with the vegan meals. They're still delicious and surprisingly, no bean sprouts have been used so far. Anyone who knows me knows my lifelong enmity with bean sprouts.
I auditioned for the worship team on Thursday. When I arrived at church, my throat felt extremely dry and my voice was creaky and hoarse. So I just prayed. At the end of the audition, I had great comments. Nigel and Rachelle who auditioned me both said it was very good. And what else can I say? THANK GOD. All good things come from above.
I must also add that a few days before the audition, I checked my work roster and saw I was rostered to work on Thursday. That was the first Thursday I ever had to work for the last six months and it had to be on my audition day! I really didn't want to postpone the audition as I'd already been procrastinating for the last... year at least. I desperately wanted to take that step that God had been urging me to for so long and I was afraid of procrastinating yet again.
Trying to get off that shift wasn't easy at first. The only people I could ask were Sam, Kaitlyn, Bryan or Heather. Sam advised me that she & Kaitlyn would be away on a road trip, whilst Bryan & Heather were already out of Perth. So, I just prayed. Surprise, surprise. A day later, I saw Kaitlyn write on facebook that their road trip was off. I asked her if she would do my shift and she readily said yes.
I couldn't have foresaw that. I couldn't have made something happen either.
It was Him. He had my solution. He was my solution.
How good is God!
At work, I received $40 worth of gift cards for scoring 100% in a mystery shopper test. That was totally random. The mystery shopper could have caught me on a day I wasn't up to form but I did great so thank God! I used the cards for fuel. It felt really good to pay only $2 for a full tank!
At my current place, I've been "upgraded" to one of the inside rooms.
The building I'm staying in is registered as an association and the kitchen where my old room was next to is considered a commercial kitchen. Supposedly, my room was listed as the kitchen storeroom. People from the council came by to inspect the kitchen, including my room, so Aunty Hong made me get up early to pack my stuff and replace them with kitchen equipment, creating the pretense of a storeroom. I was praying they would pass the test as I didn't want to have to do that all over again. And they did. Aunty Hong then said the lady told her to make sure no one stays in the storeroom, so maybe I should move into one of the inside rooms.
It's totally awesome. I've got a reverse cycle a/c & ensuite bathroom. Best of all, it's nice and cosy, not cold. Apparently, I can only stay in this room for one and a half weeks though as some other people are coming and they'll need the place. I'll then have to move back into my old room if I can't find a place by then. Well, whatever, my God will provide. I'm happy to be staying here for however long I can. It's a blessing to me!
Jess and Cheryl's mums have been very hospitable toward me. We slept over at Jess' last night. When I woke up around 11, I discovered that Jess & Cheryl had both left already. Great friends for ditching me.. haha.. So I went downstairs and Jess' mum insisted I stay for brunch. I did and got to enjoy a yummy bowl of prawn mee as while as chatting with them. Yummy, home-cooked meals like that really blesses me nowadays as my current place is fully vegan. Although, I must add, God has also blessed me with the vegan meals. They're still delicious and surprisingly, no bean sprouts have been used so far. Anyone who knows me knows my lifelong enmity with bean sprouts.
I auditioned for the worship team on Thursday. When I arrived at church, my throat felt extremely dry and my voice was creaky and hoarse. So I just prayed. At the end of the audition, I had great comments. Nigel and Rachelle who auditioned me both said it was very good. And what else can I say? THANK GOD. All good things come from above.
I must also add that a few days before the audition, I checked my work roster and saw I was rostered to work on Thursday. That was the first Thursday I ever had to work for the last six months and it had to be on my audition day! I really didn't want to postpone the audition as I'd already been procrastinating for the last... year at least. I desperately wanted to take that step that God had been urging me to for so long and I was afraid of procrastinating yet again.
Trying to get off that shift wasn't easy at first. The only people I could ask were Sam, Kaitlyn, Bryan or Heather. Sam advised me that she & Kaitlyn would be away on a road trip, whilst Bryan & Heather were already out of Perth. So, I just prayed. Surprise, surprise. A day later, I saw Kaitlyn write on facebook that their road trip was off. I asked her if she would do my shift and she readily said yes.
I couldn't have foresaw that. I couldn't have made something happen either.
It was Him. He had my solution. He was my solution.
How good is God!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Will you marry me?
Yesterday I was reading through some married couples' blogs and according to them, marriage is great. I've always been tentative about it, largely because of how I saw marriages around me fail as I was growing up. In recent years, however, God has reshaped my view about marriage and I'm glad to say it is now largely positive.
So last night I was thinking about how nice it would be to be married! Being alone is fine but having someone to share the journey with sounds a lot more appealing. Serving and ministering alone is fine but doing it with a partner sounds fun-ner! Of course, I was thinking these with the knowledge that marriage isn't going to be a breeze, but it's better to take the yacht out and experience the storm rather than miss out on enjoying the sea altogether, no?
The desire for a partner and marriage is healthy, but not when it makes you miserable about single-hood. Last night I was feeling pretty miserable about it. The despicable enemy planted some negative thoughts in my mind. Oh you're never going to find someone, you're so unlovable, what makes you think you have a chance at marriage. I started reflecting on all my failed relationships. The enemy told me lies about how I was the cause of all the failures, that it was because I was so unlovable. And reminded me of how the exes always went on to find someone better, and that's why their relationships don't fail.
What I instinctively did, through my tears, was to grab hold of my Bible and flip it open. I had to hold all these thoughts captive and give them up to God. I had to find His truths to overcome the enemy's lies. I know what I did next was every pastor's nightmare, but yup I randomly opened up a page hoping to find something. My mind was in a whirl and I couldn't as yet think of any appropriate verse.
Then my eyes landed on this.
"I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions."
At this I flipped a page back, I don't know why, but I did. And read this.
"And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life."
Wow. God was in-my-face, speaking right to me. He was telling me to enjoy where I am right now, to realize just how blessed I am to be able to focus on Him and Him alone. One day I'll be married and become involved in all the "nuts and bolts of domestic life" but right now, I'm in that special place where I can focus all my attention on Him. And only God knows how long more I have in this special place... my "prince charming" might come along to sweep me off my feet tomorrow for all I know... haha. Better treasure this time.
I love how the Message says, "God, not your marital status, defines your life". It was very encouraging to me and it reminded me to re-focus, don't let the enemy fool me into believing that I have to be married to be truly living.
I put on Ps. Prince's seminar on love and courtship. It's a 4-part recording that has helped me a lot and I decided to listen to it again. He talked about how in the Bible, there are 2 Hebrew words for "alone". The first is Yakid. Strong's concordance says that Yakid is to be alone, unique and loved. As singles, God says that we are alone (not lonely), unique and beloved of Him. The other "alone" is the Hebrew word Bad, which means without help. Ps. Prince explained that in the garden of Eden when God made man, God said that it is not good for man to be alone, and the alone referred to here was Bad, not Yakid.
He explained further that we should first realize we can and should be happy Yakids, secure and fulfilled in God's love. Adam was a happy Yakid, but God said it was not good for Adam to be without help, and so He made him a helpmate, Eve.
Every time I listen to this, I'm reminded that I need to be a whole Yakid, looking for another whole Yakid. It shouldn't be 2 holes coming together in the hope of being complete, as Ps. Prince said.
So last night I was thinking about how nice it would be to be married! Being alone is fine but having someone to share the journey with sounds a lot more appealing. Serving and ministering alone is fine but doing it with a partner sounds fun-ner! Of course, I was thinking these with the knowledge that marriage isn't going to be a breeze, but it's better to take the yacht out and experience the storm rather than miss out on enjoying the sea altogether, no?
The desire for a partner and marriage is healthy, but not when it makes you miserable about single-hood. Last night I was feeling pretty miserable about it. The despicable enemy planted some negative thoughts in my mind. Oh you're never going to find someone, you're so unlovable, what makes you think you have a chance at marriage. I started reflecting on all my failed relationships. The enemy told me lies about how I was the cause of all the failures, that it was because I was so unlovable. And reminded me of how the exes always went on to find someone better, and that's why their relationships don't fail.
What I instinctively did, through my tears, was to grab hold of my Bible and flip it open. I had to hold all these thoughts captive and give them up to God. I had to find His truths to overcome the enemy's lies. I know what I did next was every pastor's nightmare, but yup I randomly opened up a page hoping to find something. My mind was in a whirl and I couldn't as yet think of any appropriate verse.
Then my eyes landed on this.
"I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions."
At this I flipped a page back, I don't know why, but I did. And read this.
"And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life."
Wow. God was in-my-face, speaking right to me. He was telling me to enjoy where I am right now, to realize just how blessed I am to be able to focus on Him and Him alone. One day I'll be married and become involved in all the "nuts and bolts of domestic life" but right now, I'm in that special place where I can focus all my attention on Him. And only God knows how long more I have in this special place... my "prince charming" might come along to sweep me off my feet tomorrow for all I know... haha. Better treasure this time.
I love how the Message says, "God, not your marital status, defines your life". It was very encouraging to me and it reminded me to re-focus, don't let the enemy fool me into believing that I have to be married to be truly living.
I put on Ps. Prince's seminar on love and courtship. It's a 4-part recording that has helped me a lot and I decided to listen to it again. He talked about how in the Bible, there are 2 Hebrew words for "alone". The first is Yakid. Strong's concordance says that Yakid is to be alone, unique and loved. As singles, God says that we are alone (not lonely), unique and beloved of Him. The other "alone" is the Hebrew word Bad, which means without help. Ps. Prince explained that in the garden of Eden when God made man, God said that it is not good for man to be alone, and the alone referred to here was Bad, not Yakid.
He explained further that we should first realize we can and should be happy Yakids, secure and fulfilled in God's love. Adam was a happy Yakid, but God said it was not good for Adam to be without help, and so He made him a helpmate, Eve.
Every time I listen to this, I'm reminded that I need to be a whole Yakid, looking for another whole Yakid. It shouldn't be 2 holes coming together in the hope of being complete, as Ps. Prince said.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Showers of blessing
I was a bit apprehensive about eating next to Uncle Fart again today. I dropped Cheryl off at her place around 5.15pm after a trip to Garbos and wondered if I should go straight home, contemplating the unavoidable dinner ahead. I also thought to myself, crap, now I have to shower in that seriously cold bathroom.
However when I got back, Aunty Hong announced that no one was home and dinner was to be takeaway food that she'd bought earlier. And she said I could actually use the inside bathroom, if I wanted. God is so good! He provides even the comfort that I was hoping to get. The inside bathroom is drastically different from the outside one. It was so comfortable and warm!!! =) Happiness.
However when I got back, Aunty Hong announced that no one was home and dinner was to be takeaway food that she'd bought earlier. And she said I could actually use the inside bathroom, if I wanted. God is so good! He provides even the comfort that I was hoping to get. The inside bathroom is drastically different from the outside one. It was so comfortable and warm!!! =) Happiness.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
What's new?
New experiences today:
1. I took a bite of lamb after Cheryl's parents encouraged me to. I haven't had lamb in at least.. well for as long as I can remember. I hate the smell and taste of lamb. It makes me almost want to puke. In fact I am extremely fussy with food.
2. Using whatever Cheryl had in her home to shower and to wash my face.
These might be nothing to most people but it's a pretty big deal to me! I have always been quite.. 'princessy' and stubborn, as Daryl can totally testify to. I think it might be because I was spoilt rotten as a kid. If I hate something, no one can force me to eat it. If I go for a sleepover I usually prepare my own toiletries as I like being able to use my own products.
I took another step in breaking out of that princess-syndrome! Thank God. =)
It was really nice to take a hot shower and sleep on a soft warm bed at Cheryl's place. Every time I take a shower at my current place, I freeze. It's so cold that I stand there and shiver and wipe myself in a frenzy. My bed is literally rock-hard and underneath the bed sheets, they put a layer of straw mat. You can imagine how comfortable that feels. And my room is so cold that I use 4 layers of blankets. Cheryl's house was such a comforting break from that! Never knew it was such a blessing to have a soft bed and a bathroom where you don't freeze! Thank You Lord for showing me new things everyday.
1. I took a bite of lamb after Cheryl's parents encouraged me to. I haven't had lamb in at least.. well for as long as I can remember. I hate the smell and taste of lamb. It makes me almost want to puke. In fact I am extremely fussy with food.
2. Using whatever Cheryl had in her home to shower and to wash my face.
These might be nothing to most people but it's a pretty big deal to me! I have always been quite.. 'princessy' and stubborn, as Daryl can totally testify to. I think it might be because I was spoilt rotten as a kid. If I hate something, no one can force me to eat it. If I go for a sleepover I usually prepare my own toiletries as I like being able to use my own products.
I took another step in breaking out of that princess-syndrome! Thank God. =)
It was really nice to take a hot shower and sleep on a soft warm bed at Cheryl's place. Every time I take a shower at my current place, I freeze. It's so cold that I stand there and shiver and wipe myself in a frenzy. My bed is literally rock-hard and underneath the bed sheets, they put a layer of straw mat. You can imagine how comfortable that feels. And my room is so cold that I use 4 layers of blankets. Cheryl's house was such a comforting break from that! Never knew it was such a blessing to have a soft bed and a bathroom where you don't freeze! Thank You Lord for showing me new things everyday.
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