Sometimes I feel like I've learnt enough to last a lifetime. Over the years I've come to realize that in God's kingdom, there's no such thing. The process of learning, growing and occasionally falling never ends as He constantly prepares us for greater things. I praise God that He sees our lives from beginning to end, He knows His plans for us and He knows what we can achieve through Him even though we frequently cannot (or refuse to) see it. I praise Him also that He is forever faithful and patient with us, picking us up over and over again, even though we can take ages to learn a lesson. Further, I praise God that He allows us to fall sometimes because He will never sacrifice our highest good for a lesser one, and that He will always save us from the greatest pain by allowing us to go through the lesser one! We have temporal mindsets and we want instant gratification but He has eternity in mind. It is what's eternal that matters most.
Recently I've learnt many important lessons. They cost me heavily and caused a great deal of pain, but often that's necessary for us to learn the lessons well. I've done enough struggling and complaining to know that in the end, God's always right. Always. In the natural, it's hard to see past current situations but ultimately we'll always look back and be grateful He allowed us to go through them.
I never quite understood the serious consequences of bringing baggage into a relationship until recently, when I finally got it through the hard way. If both parties bring their share of unresolved issues from the past into the relationship, it will only end up in pain. Throughout last week I reflected a great deal and discovered that I actually have a number of issues from my past I thought I had dealt with. In reality, I never dealt directly with the root causes. So I asked God to show me what the root causes were and it turned out to be fear, which led to insecurity. Subsequently, that even led to manipulative behaviour. I never saw myself as capable of being manipulative and it really grieved me to realize I probably was! I never had any intention of causing hurt but now I see that out of my own fear and insecurity I did just that.
Most Christians would have heard the familiar story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac his beloved son on the altar. Recently it became more than just another story in the Bible for me; it became very personal. I had to lay what had become my most precious thing on the altar. There's a sense of overwhelming peace and indescribable joy when we relinquish all control over to God, knowing that every good thing we have comes from Him anyway and that He always seeks to do us our highest good. It's in that position of complete surrender and complete trust in Him that He is able to work most effectively in our lives. As that old saying goes, 'let go and let God...'
I've learnt that my testimony matters. As Darlene Zschech put it so aptly, "What you bring to the table is fuelled by your testimony, and let me tell you, your testimony matters. My life is a testimony of the grace of God. He is my everything. The enemy told me I was nothing.. 'loser, loser, loser'.. and God picked me up and said no.. 'winner, winner, winner, child of God, awesome woman of God'.. Can I tell you something? Your testimony will bring a passion to your gift. You will play like you have never played before... let me tell you, you will have a powerful conviction because of what God has done in you. Your testimony matters. It really, really matters'.
I couldn't agree more. If not for the tough times, I wouldn't have experienced so deeply the love, faithfulness, deliverance, healing, comfort... of my Father. If not for the tough times, I wouldn't know Him as intimately and know with all confidence that He remains the same loving God through my success and failures. If not for the tough times, I wouldn't know what it means to praise and worship Him through every circumstance, and mean every single word even through the pain and confusion. If not for the tough times, I wouldn't have gone through countless nights on my knees, to emerge with a burning conviction and unquenchable fire for the things of God. If not for the tough times, I wouldn't be able to reach out, to advance the
I thank God for being so gracious to me, so much so that He allowed the tough times in order that they may fuel my testimony and bring passion to my gift!
I have so much to learn. For now, I want to learn these lessons quickly and remember them so that God can bring me to even higher grounds. I want to learn them thoroughly so I don't ever have to waste time relearning them! My eyes are focused on God and what He has called me to. I know that His perfect love drives out all my fear and as I bask in Jesus' presence daily, I am made whole and secure in Him. Romantic relationships are very low on my priorities now, but I know that I will enter my next relationship completely whole and free from baggage and it will be used for His glory and to advance His kingdom!
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