Questions and Answers

Before the memorial service, I was tormented by a lot of heartache and grief.

Even now I can't explain why I feel this way when I didn't know his brother personally. Perhaps I did know him spiritually, through months of praying for him. Even though I wasn't physically there, I was alongside them throughout this journey, rejoicing together in victories won and standing firm in prayer together.

Or perhaps it's a deep, deep love.. agape love.. that I have towards this brother of mine.. so much so that I can literally feel the pain he feels. I can't explain it, I really can't. The depth of love I have towards him and his family amazes me. It is of God and not of the world.

For the first time in my life, I actually understood what it meant to love someone with agape love. It says in 1 Corinthians 13:5 that (love) is not self-seeking. I desperately wanted to be at the airport when he & his family arrived back in Perth just to give him a hug, and I'm sure there are some of us who might have felt the same way.. but we recognized that it was not about us, it was about him, about his best interests.

So I decided not to go and that it was probably best for him to have a smaller reception. I didn't think he needed the overwhelming attention at this stage. In verses 7-8, it says '(love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails'. I'm sure all of us who loved him held on to hope and always believed in his brother's healing. He never gave up and neither did we.

When I found out about his brother's passing, a deep sense of grief came over me. I couldn't sleep the next few nights and I found it hard to concentrate. There were many questions in my mind, and I found myself asking God a resounding 'why?'

I remembered this particular afternoon I was praying for his brother.. I had such a strong conviction from the Holy Spirit that the battle was already won, that his brother was already healed because of what Jesus did on the cross, that the symptoms were only a temporal lie and it would go away very soon. I was greatly confused at the news of his passing, not only because of that but due to the fact that his brother was still so young, he had a wife and I thought he probably still had things to do on this earth.

Before I left and as I was driving to the memorial service, I was telling God that I needed to have some answers to put an end to the torment. I knew that I could not lean on my own understanding and I knew that in situations like these, all our human reasons and logic fail. I just needed some reassurance from God.

When his brother's wife gave the eulogy, the cloud over my eyes began to clear and I felt an overwhelming peace in my heart. She confessed that she had the same kind of questions I had. She also felt that he was young and probably didn't finish his work on the earth. However, she went on to share some entries from his journal and she said that reading through his journal made her realize that his job here was indeed done! The purposes of God put in him have been fulfilled, and he had fought the good fight, finished the race and kept the faith. Through his life and testimony, his earthly parents came to know Christ and his wife grew to be a godly woman. His life was part of a much bigger picture that God was painting...

Finally at one point, the question that tormented me the most was answered. She said she wanted to encourage those of us who have been praying for her husband's healing, that our prayers were not in vain. He was completely healed of cancer before he went to be with the Lord. When I heard that, I broke down. Peace overwhelmed me.

Even though he has now departed, the power of the life he led continues to impact. It has impacted me deeply for the better, it has given me an even greater revelation of God's great love and faithfulness, a clearer understanding of the 'bigger picture' of God's kingdom and purposes. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

There are still some less significant questions in my mind, but I know I have to let them go. Our human capacity to understand and reason is too limited. It's natural for us to question but to continue dwelling in that place will only lead to destruction. The only position for us to take is to trust God, to know without doubt that He is good and He is for us.

I thank God that although I'm not even part of that family, He regarded me highly and He answered my cries specifically through the eulogies. I thank God that He gave me answers to my most pressing questions. I thank God that what the devil meant for evil, He turns around for so much good.

My heart goes out to the family and especially to his wife... I know it will be very painful at times, but God is their strength. I thank God that He has caused them to hope in Him such that they have remained so strong, and I believe that they will continue to walk in His purposes until that glorious day when they are done here and they will see their beloved again...