Just for today God, let me linger in the past

Today I took a walk down memory lane, in order to forget.
It hurt. But I knew I had to confront it sooner or later.
I traced the path we often walked, I felt the grass and lingered at the pond that used to mean something.
The laughter, the warmth, the words... they were clear as day in my mind.
I will cherish the pure joy and love from a year ago on this day.

Today was quite hard. I felt like my tears would choke me. It was cold and dark, but I had to take the walk. There are things I might never understand, questions that might never be answered. Why did he bail? All the words said that night did not sound the least bit logical. It was a bunch of excuses. Why let something so beautiful go down the drain? I'm still confused.

I was talking to a friend and I was asking why people bail out on me. He said there's a God-given streak in me that most guys cannot handle. That I'm not typical. Well then God the next guy better be tough enough to handle me! I don't need another wimp or coward. He needs to be a man of God who is mature and strong enough to stand by me through everything.

A relationship goes through many ups and downs and requires heaps of effort to maintain. It's true what they say... if he leaves at the slightest problem at the beginning, how can you entrust yourself to him in marriage? Nothing personal against the men, but I truly think this generation needs more men who are mature enough to handle a relationship well and treat the ladies like ladies. (an extra sorry to the guys in my church, but I think this problem is particularly rampant there!) (will the real men please stand up?)

I saw some of his friends the other day and I was going to wave and say hi but one of them deliberately turned his back to me. I don't understand. They can be so childish. To be honest that really hurt me.. I don't think I deserved the hostility.

Alright... enough whinging.

That's it, God.
You've heard me. You know everything. You take it all.

I know I shouldn't have, but I lingered in the past today.
I needed that time to clear my head, to confront this, to heal once and for all.

It ends today.
I'm moving on.