The Forgiveness Lesson

Forgiving must be one of the hardest things to do. To acknowledge that someone has hurt you deeply yet seeing beyond that and making a choice to love.. when all you want to do is hate.

Matt 5:43-47: "You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that."

I used to read that and think that when the time comes for me to love my enemy, I will be up for it. When it (my enemy) showed up however, all sorts of thoughts and feelings flooded my entire being and forgiveness certainly wasn't one of them. What I truly wanted was for it to suffer the wrath of God's justice. What I truly wanted was for it to be condemned to eternal guilt for the pain it caused me. There was one night when I just sat in bed and poured out all the sewage I had in my heart to God, and as I told a friend, I must have sounded a lot like David in Psalm 109. Bottomline, it wasn't pretty.

God is patient. He invested at least the last six months of His time trying to teach me true forgiveness. (although of course it's arguable that with eternity in His hands, a few months probably isn't that bad..) When I wanted to curse and whinge, He would listen patiently and as I imagined it, He would be nodding lovingly whilst covering both ears with His hands. It's just something I pictured that makes me laugh. When I was tempted to make bad choices about how to deal, He would send a friend to remind me of His Word. I am so thankful that I didn't execute some of the plans I had come up with. In hindsight, I would have regretted them deeply.

Forgiveness really isn't a feeling, as I learnt. When I look at someone who spewed lies about me and plotted against me, I certainly don't feel a lot of love for that person. Forgiveness is a choice. It's also a daily choice. I can squeeze my heart out trying my best to forgive someone in one session and truly believe that it's a done deal, yet spot this person from a distance in the next instance and forget I was supposed to have forgiven. Maybe this is why people constantly lament, "but I've already resolved to forgive! I really have. Why do I still hate that person?!" Sometimes I still struggle with the 'feeling' of forgiveness but I realise now that it's a choice.

As I've also learnt, forgiveness is an attitude. As with love (although I find the two aren't exactly two distinct entities), it is taking the initiative to encourage, to give of yourself, to do that which your mind tries to stop you from doing. We wouldn't normally approach a stranger with an infectious disease and give them hugs. We wouldn't normally give up a year's wages in order to bless someone else. It just doesn't sit in nicely with how our brain normally works. Remarkably, this is what we're told not to be. Normal. We are not to fit in with how the world normally works.

Romans 12:1-2: "So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

Our culture says that when a person is 'unclean', it's best to leave him alone lest you catch the disease yourself. Our culture says that to give away a year's wages to bless someone else is insanity when the money can be used to upgrade our own standard of living.

Jesus defied His culture. He healed on the Sabbath, He ate with tax collectors, He didn't keep His distance from 'unclean' people - instead, He got close to them and healed them. The famous woman who anointed Jesus' feet with perfume defied her culture. It was said that her perfume was worth a year's wages, yet she poured it onto Jesus' feet in an extravagant act of worship.

The same goes for forgiveness. Our culture says that you don't forgive and love someone who hates you.. but Jesus says the exact opposite! Matt 5:38-42: "Here's another old saying that deserves a second look: 'Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.' Is that going to get us anywhere? Here's what I propose: 'Don't hit back at all.' If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously."

No more tit-for-tat stuff! No more. We are to live as God's children in His truth, no longer in the foolishness of our former ways which only lead to death. His ways lead to life. His ways lead to unity in the church and salvation in the world.

It's not easy to forgive, just as it's not easy to be different from the world. But we are a generation set apart for God and it has to start from within His church. We need to let go of our differences and pursue after our common goal for God to be glorified; those petty differences are simply too insignificant in light of the great commission He has placed upon us.

-scripture from The Message

My Future Decided

God's love is so amazing.

Lifegroup on Wed was a worship night. God's presence was so strong, the atmosphere was soaked through with His love. Personally I really needed that time alone with God, just resting in Him, worshipping Him, enjoying Him. I cried till I had no tears left to cry that night, in my own little corner where I was conscious of only Him and me. His presence is so soothing, it wipes away every last streak of weariness.

I remember that at one point, 'How He Loves' by John Mark Mcmillan started playing. As this particular line was repeated again and again, 'Oh how He loves us! Oh how He loves us! Oh how He loves us!"", I felt God's love permeate every single cell in my body, saturated to the point of bursting... and all I could do was fall to my knees and cry tears of joy... That night, God pursued us unceasingly with His intense love and as we came together to pray, one person after another spoke out loud about His unconditional, unquenchable love.

1 John 4:18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.

No fear. I am safe in His perfect love.
So many questions, so many decisions facing me continually. Just rest. Just rest in Him.
To have (fully) experienced His love means to be sure about it, to be secure in it.
Whatever works out, whatever doesn't... one thing is sure, He loves me and He only wants the best for me.

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Matt 7:9-11 You parents - if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him.

"Eileen, don't try to piece everything together. You'll just make a mess of things. The way I gave you the glimpses of the different fragments of your life to come. The same way will I bring them into fruition. I will bring them to pass. Keep your heart right, Keep your heart after me."
(thanks Daryl for giving me these words too)

(and these) "There will be times where it may seem like its not going to work out. No path reveals itself...but when you know God calls, you stick in it. Might not be immediate...might take a little longer than you like...but if you're after His heart... the timing is NEVER wrong. Your mind will be your worst enemy.

2 cor 10:5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ (NKJV)

Every thought against what God said must be destroyed and replaced with what is in line with what He said. Don't list out the things that are against you Eileen. You have power."

All other bible verses New Living Translation

He believes in me...

The night of 7th March 2008.

"He is well-pleased to come into your house."
It's true that I thought I hadn't cleaned up enough... but He says He is well-pleased.

"He's ready to present you to the world as the Eileen He planned and purposed for."
This is time to bloom.

He doesn't even mention, doesn't even arouse consciousness of sin.
It doesn't even matter.
All He says is... I love you. I believe in you. This is your season, this is your time.
All He sees is who I can be in Him, all that He made me to be...

Breathtaking.

I worship You

You have redeemed my life
Called me by name, now I see light
When I pass through the waters You are with me
When I walk through the fire I'll not be burned

For You are the Lord, my God
And You Love me with an everlasting love

So I worship You, So I worship You
All my life I will worship You

So I worship You, So I worship You
All my life I will worship You...

This is the Year

There's something incredibly exciting, incredibly different about 2008.
It's almost March and nothing particularly extraordinary has happened yet, but I know that I know that this year is a year of new beginnings, of the outpouring of God's overflowing favour, of changes, miracles...

There's so much more.
There's so much more.
God has been telling me He has so much more in store for me.

2007 is done... all its joy and tears, all the lessons, challenges, battles. It wasn't a cruisy year, to say the least.
But that's done. And now I have 2008.
I will not remain the same.
I will increase in every area of my life, and I can boldly ask and believe for that simply because I am God's beloved and He is such a good God. Not by might, not by power but by the spirit of the Lord.
I will see God's immeasurable, far and beyond favour over every area of my life!
It's time for increase, for promotion.
Woooot!
And as Joel Osteen likes to say, 2008 will be my best year so far!